I’ve a ebook.
I’ve a PhD.
I’ve a narrative that’s been advised and one which’s nonetheless unfolding.
And but, tonight I sit right here… unsettled. Aching in a spot I can’t fairly identify. Not damaged — however buzzing with this low hum of unfinished.
It’s unusual, isn’t it? To succeed in milestones that when felt so unattainable — unreachable, even — and nonetheless really feel like one thing is lacking. It’s not ingratitude. I’m happy with how far I’ve come. I keep in mind the woman who as soon as prayed for a fraction of this life. And nonetheless… there’s a hollowness after the excessive. A “what now?” that doesn’t include a guide.
After she advised her story, one thing cracked open in me. I felt alive, purposeful, seen. Like, sure — that is it. That is what I’m meant to do. However now? The quiet got here again. The adrenaline light. The inbox is filled with reminders, the calendar packed — however none of it feels prefer it. None of it fills the area that opened inside me.
Perhaps it’s function withdrawal. Perhaps it’s my soul whispering that I’m not carried out but — not even shut. Perhaps it’s God reshuffling issues behind the scenes, on the brink of launch me into the following season. Or perhaps… perhaps this ache is the following step. Sitting within the discomfort. Letting the restlessness say what it…
